Depression is something I never thought I would fight with on a daily basis. I was raised by an amazing set of parents, married a wonderful man, bought a home, and was blessed with twins. I have nothing to be depressed about. Yet it’s there. It tries to creep in the background and it puts a veil over my eyes and whispers “You can’t do this. You are in over your head. You aren’t good enough”. It tries to make me focus on the negative instead of all of the positive things I have in my life. It’s something that I’m learning to overcome and will defeat.
My struggle started soon after the twins were born. We spent 3 long weeks in the NICU (read that story HERE) and it was a roller coaster of emotions. I was so happy to have them here, but I felt like I cried the whole time we were there. It was exhausting. It was HARD.
And then we all came home. It started off pretty good. Sleepless nights=check. Constant feeding=check. Lots of rocking and cuddles=check. Life was good and we were good. Or so I thought. The tiredness and exhaustion that I felt at the NICU started coming back. It was a slow trickle into my life until it’s all that I could see.
It was the weirdest sensation. I was so happy to have the kids here, and yet all I could do is cry. I felt inadequate and incapable. The screaming and crying ate away at me. I just knew I wasn’t doing something right. I thought so many times that God had given me more than I was capable of handling.
How could I possibly be the one chosen to live this life? I felt unworthy.